Reflections03:16 Dec 13 2011
Times Read: 824
as i sit here and wonder what i am truely am, ive been told somethings and i watch how my world has been turned upsidown. i’ve always stood by and tried to help every one and myself becuase i do feel for those who have to suffer, Ive been there, its not a pleasant experience for anyone. ive attacked those i care about blinded by rage, in defiance of a shaken ed truth that i have a hard time accepting, i do not watn to loose all that ive worked so hard for but i’ve realised now is the time that i must step away from it all to find my true self. ive had a vision where I'm in a position to help those finally after my struggle, however the road ahead will not be an easy one, the first thing i must do is learn patience, i’ve always had a temper, some times it gets the best of me at the worst moments and shows a side that i wish not to let out on anyone, but i understand that is also apart of me that i must contend with. This path requires me to face fears that i thought that i would not have to face head on, those who have offered to help me have said they have seen my pain, my agony, of what was done to me, it was unforgivable, the one who did this to me was the one who deserves exactly what they deserve for such a betrayal. while my anger speaks such harsh and cold tones, i also feel frightened of whats holding me in place and not becoming the man i wish to be. I’ve always told my self to stand my ground and defend what is right, but when that gets twisted its more difficult then ever to find out what is right and what isn’t. i am frighted in what i will see, what i will face, will i be alone facing this, or will some one be with me. some one told me it was a right of passage, ive learned though if i cant deal with my own issues how am i supposed to walk this right of passage with a clear and conscious mind.
i’ve always held my self responsible for my own actions but some times we all cant face the truth that it was our fault for something going wrong and ive accepted that this time it was my fualt. that is one of the aspects of being a true leader, accepting responsibility for ones actions even if you did not feel like you did anything wrong. it helps us grow. Being a great leader also means its more then just being “in Charge”. In my experience those who have that mentality tend to either not last long or rule in ways that every one does not like and oppresseses every one. this in turn creates enemies from within that could have been delt with in other ways to make sure theyre voices are heard. they say the way to the throne room is through the servants quarters, some times i feel like i camp in the servants quarters becuase i feel like greatness isnt supposed to happen to me, i loose faith in my self and my abilities becuase ive been poisoned with the thoughts of others who just wish me to just be avearage every one else, and i know thats not me. i want to be a good person, but a great leader whom stands by the one he loves and those he cares about, and fights what i beleive in.
i fight for the beleif every man can be better, we all loose our tempers and have meltdowns on people we do not intend to. were all human, and no one is perfect no matter how many times we try to procieve our selves as such. that includes me. I have come to accept that fact that some things may not be as they are proceeded to be however I am still who i am regardless if every one else around me is not.
and i stand before you as the dark prince nothing more nothing less.
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